What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss, because this loss brings changes to life.
What happens when a person experiences a loss?
1. Emergence of new emotions, such as:
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Shocked and disbelieving, feeling numb, even denying that the loss has happened
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Sadness, despair, loneliness, emptiness
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Guilt, regret, shame
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Angry, unhappy
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Anxiety, helplessness, insecurity, fear
2. Development of a new medical condition/symptom such as:
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fatigue
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nausea
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weight loss or gain
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pain
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night sweats
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palpitations dizziness or lightheadedness
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Insomnia
Can it recover?
Scholar J.W. Worden used the four seasons as a metaphor for the process of mourning, pointing out that one must go through the "four tasks of mourning" in order to be healed :
1. Autumn: about memories and yearnings, accepting the lost reality.
2. Winter: On emotion recognition, overcoming the pain of grief.
3. Spring: spiritual reconstruction, living without the company of the deceased, adapting to the environment externally, internally, and spiritually.
4. Summer: Reconnect with the dead and reconnect with the outside world while continuing to live.
Retrieved from: https://jamesreidfuneralhome.com/blogs/blog-entries/3/Bereavement-Support-Group-Talks/31/The-Seasons-of-Grief.html
Common Misconceptions
Myth #1: " Pain goes away faster if you ignore grief."
The Right Mindset: Trying to ignore pain and keep it off the surface will only make it worse in the long run. To achieve true healing, you must face your grief and deal with it positively.
Myth #2: " It's important to stay strong all the time in the face of loss."
The Right Mindset: Feeling sad, scared, or lonely is a normal response to loss. Crying doesn't mean you're weak, and expressing your true feelings to family and friends can help them and you.
Misunderstanding 3: " If you don't cry, it means you don't feel sorry for the loss."
The Right Mindset: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it's not the only response. They may have other ways of expressing distress .
How to lend a hand?
Research shows that family and friends are the best way to heal grief.
However, we may not know how to contact them. Here are some suggestions to help understand the other person's needs:
For bereaved, you can...
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Accept your different emotions and express them in an appropriate way.
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Establish a stable routine to support your emotions in a healthy way.
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Keep in touch with trusted friends and face it together.
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Reserve proper personal space for yourself.
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Don't judge your thoughts as "right" and "wrong"/"good" and "bad", affirm your own efforts and understand your limitations.
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The way and pace of grief is unique to each person, take your own pace without comparing yourself to others.
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Avoid making major changes/decisions (eg relocating, throwing away belongings) too quickly in the early stages of bereavement to avoid regrets.
*If you find it unbearable, it does not mean that you are weak; seeking professional assistance in a timely manner is an act of courage.
For caregivers, you can...
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Understanding the grieving process
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Proactively reaching out to the bereaved can mean a lot to them.
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Ask questions because it allows your friends to talk openly about their loved ones, leading them to open up slowly.
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Grief can cause people to ignore their basic needs. Practical help for the bereaved is a simple and effective way to help clean their house, cook meals, provide childcare assistance, help manage bills.
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Avoid clichés like: "Sorrow and change", "You can't come back from the dead", don't be sad, look away, you should be stronger, it's time to let go, it's God's arrangement, you're not the worst" and so on.
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Avoid comparisons with your own experience
*Sympathize each other's situation, listen more and talk less, and be a companion.
Further help
Sometimes we are not always there when they need us. Many people who choose to heal themselves get lost along the way.
We understand that relatives and friends cannot be by your side all the time, and that the bereaved need proper privacy. According to the research, a set of gifts was designed to accompany the bereaved through the transition period (one month to two years after the bereavement). Guide them to release their emotions in a positive way, to understand their situation; to adapt to a transformed life. Hope can help them slowly find hope and come out of the darkness.
References
https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/grief/related/how-to-help-a-grieving-friend/
CCC Grief Handbook: https://www.cccg.org.hk/magazine/main/1/